An Unforeseen Future

By: Ailani Nelson

Thirty minutes into the conversation, and I have finally mustered up the courage to ask the question! It’s the entire reason I wanted to meet at this new coffee shop; I don't even drink coffee! The woman with a stark resemblance to me is showing pictures of her grandchildren while describing the stories of her past, but I must admit, she’s a little intimidating, to say the least. Being so sure of herself after a lifetime of always questioning every move. Which is what I struggled with over the past few years, but at the same time, it becomes my impetus for blurting out the words burning inside of me: "Was it worth it?" 

 

She turns to look at me, closes her phone, then sets it on the table. As she raises her cup of coffee to her lips, she repeats, "Was what worth it?" I stare at her while she peers into her cup and blows the steam away from the brim of the mug; I know that she knows what I'm talking about, but of course, like our mother, she wants me to verbalize my thoughts with details. So I sigh, take a sip of my chai latte, and ask, "Choosing Spelman over gymnastics; was it worth it?" 

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The woman exchanges her mug for her iPhone and begins to scroll again. Ignoring me when my question was quite simple. "Look,” she interjects before I can finish my thought! My criticisms of the 80-year-old me come to halt because she shoves her phone into my hands, and on the screen, there are four older ladies decked out in blue Columbia sweaters. "Who are these women?" I ask. 

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Each point of her finger comes with a story: the woman closest to her is Maya, her randomly-assigned freshman year roommate. Next is Mariya, her sophomore year RA. Then finally, Laila, whom she met in her developmental psychology class. “These women have been so influential in my life. We’ve traveled the world together, became moms and grandmoms together, we’ve been each other's biggest supporters.” 

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I stare at the picture longingly, at the women I do not yet know, yet somehow already admire so dearly. She continues, “I know the decision to end your gymnastics career may seem like the hardest one ever, but I promise you, this journey is full of even more difficult choices. What God has for you is for you, and no one can change that. Know that this college decision becomes the backbone for which you learn to stand in your own right and take the paths meant for you. But to answer your question, yes, it was worth it. When you learn to trust the process and go beyond your comfort zone, the newness on the horizon can be so beautiful.” 

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I look up at the face before me, same eyes with a few wrinkles and mouth surrounded by smile lines. For the first time in a long time, I feel sure. As the woman picks up her mug again, I can’t help but ask, “So when did we start drinking coffee?”